Sick Head!

Right now I am sitting at my computer and I realized that I had been staring blankly at it for about 10 minutes. My head is screwy right now. For the past few days I have been fighting this chest cold and I guess that it caught up with me finally. I have been going to the IO West Improv Fest for the last few days instead of actually staying in and trying to get better. (Not that there is really any way to get better but with time I have found.) The festival was great though. I got to see alot of groups that I normally have not been able to see, as well as a few that I love to watch. I will tell you one thing that I really did learn from watching the successful teams and the not so successful ones... the teams that seemed to just play with each other where the ones that I enjoyed the most. The teams that were more guarded and seemed to be playing close handed were the ones that I didn't. For example.

There were two teams last night that I ran lights. One was great, one not so much. (Remember, this is all in my humble opinion.) Chewties is a group from Chicago, all girl, music based improv. The two things that I think were great about them is that they really were just having fun with each other on stage and it didn't feel like they were there to perform, just to play around. Also, they had a very unique way of playing (using a soundtrack that they had no time with to inform their scenes and transitions.) that they actually used and didn't throw aside.

The other team, which I will not name, just didn't seem to have fun. They also had a unique form structure, but for them it seemed more like a burden then a gift. I don't know why they chose that structure if they weren't going to have fun with it. It also came through that there was a lot of ego on the team, as one player seemed to dominate all the others so there was no real play. Once again. My humble opinion.

Anyway. I am really enjoying working as an intern for IO, not only because it gets me free classes, but also because it is allowing me the opportunity to hang out with people who have been doing this for years. The more I am there, the more I want to do it for the rest of my life. My big hurdle right now that I am needing to get over is this fear. The fear of not being able to do it "right". The fear of not helping the scene. Of being the worst player on the team. It's this nagging fear that keeps me from jumping out whenever I want to. That keeps me second guessing myself from the sidelines. Perfect example was on Friday. I signed up to take a workshop from Pete Hulne, who is one of my favorite performers to watch because he does want I want to be able to do. The workshop was for creating good physical enviornments within the scene. Since it was only a 2 hour workshop we didn't get to perform much as there was alot of lecturing, but when the time did come, I got nervous. It was mainly due to the feeling that I wanted to impress Hulne and not fuck up. I kept holding back and holding back as he called for different 2 sets to perform. Finally I kicked myself and said fuck it and went up there... and did fine. Sure there were things that I would have done differently in the scene had I had the chance to do it again. The thing is that people enjoyed it and I enjoyed the hell out of it when I was up there. So what I seem to have learned really in the last few days is that I need to stop being weighed down by these fears. Accept that they are there and just move past them. Force myself into the spot and leave all the other crap at the door.

That all being said, I am not going to be able to perform tonight at the class show as I can barely sit here and type without hacking up green stuff! (I really want to take a picture of the phlegm cup I have accumulated today... but I think that would be too sick for words.) I do have rehearsal tomorrow and Thursday, so really, I just need to bring this to them!

God I can't wait for this crap to be out of my lungs!