Warning!: Introspective Curves Ahead...

If you don't like bloggy posts, you better stop reading now... I got some emotional baggage to unload right now.

I'll give you a second to click away.

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Everyone gone? Ok. Here it goes.

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Which really means zero to me. It always does. Except when I am with someone. I am a die hard romantic. Most people would not know it by looking at me. Most of my friends know me as a pretty nerdy geek. But when it comes to me being with a girl I go all in. We are talking flowers for no reason. Going out on special evenings. Taking small weekend vacations. Showing her that she is one of the most special people on the planet. Those types of things. When I love, I love big.

That all being said... I think that since my last relationship I have become shell shocked. I seriously feel like I am suffering from post traumatic stress of the heart. Since moving to LA I have not even really tried to date or put myself out there. Everytime I think about it I go back in my head to the last day I was with my ex. How I was happy until the moment she told me she was breaking up with me. How I had no real clue that she wasn't in love with me anymore and how stupid I felt not catching on. Until her I had had other relationships, but I had never really given myself over to it as completely as that. So when it was cut off it was seriously like losing a part of myself. It took me months just to not break down randomly. It took me going to therapy sessions to realize that I wasn't an idiot or a horrible person. It took me moving to LA to not feel the need to call her and wonder what I could have done differently to have avoided all the pain that I felt. It has now been longer then we had dated since we broke up and I still find myself thinking about her almost everyday.

Basically I think I have been really depressed lately. Going to bed early. Not really wanting to go out with friends. Feeling like I am on the verge of crying for no real reason. I don't like it at all. I am a pretty outgoing guy, so when I feel like this I beat myself up for wasting my time with it. Which, as you might think, doesn't really help the situation. I am feeling really lost in this feeling. I know I need to do something about it, but I really can't think of a solution. I could go to a therapist again, that worked really well last time, but I don't make enough money now to pay for the expense. I could work out more, but I can't afford a gym membership and I can only motivate myself so much on my own. I could try just going out on a few dates with random girls, but I am so self concious right now I don't know where to find the courage to ask out a live girl and the internet dating doesn't really work for me as I must be a leaper since no one ever answers me.

Looking back on that last paragraph of self loathing dreck and excuses I can see why I am depressed. I need to stop making excuses and just do something about it other then eat my feelings away, which is what it feels like I am doing.

Well that's it for now. Hopefully my next post won't be nearly this over dramatic and awful.

Happy VD everybody!

How to Lose Your Voice in 10 Easy Steps...

I don't know why, but out of the blue yesterday my voice decided to leave me. I have lost my voice before, but then I was feeling sick. I don't feel ill right now. In fact, I feel better then I have in awhile. There are a few things that I think can be looked at to the cause:

1) Running around a few nights in the rain, not dressed appropriately.
2) I talk alot more at my current job then I usually do.
3) The Gentleman are planning on stealing my heart....

Hopefully I will have a bit of it for tomorrow's class.

Lamb-bert

Do you ever get kids songs from your childhood stuck in your head for no reason? For the last few hours I have been walking around with Lambert The Sheepish Lion stuck in my head. Does any one remember that?

(Quick look on youtube and wouldn't you know....)


I always watched this movie as a kid because it was on the beta tape before Pete's Dragon which was my number one favorite movie until I was 6 or so.

On to other news.

Some of you may be wondering why I haven't been posting more lately. Well the answer to that is that I have started at my new job and it is always go go go there. No time for love Doctor Jones. (That one was for Dom!) Last week I actually had to work both jobs for two shifts (That's 30 hour shifts for those of you taking stats.) It drained me so much that I had to tell my old job that I wouldn't be completing my two weeks. Just too much. They seemed alright by it, so I don't feel too bad.

The new job is great though. Monday thru Friday, 8-5, NO WEEKENDS! Plus it keeps me so busy that the day just flies by. And I learned a new lesson there today. Never eat at Rally's. Unless you feel like racing from here to the bathroom every ten minutes... Just a fair warning.

Completely unrelated to anything else in this post, my grunge beard is coming in quite nicely. I will post pictures later on. I'm still trying to decide how long I will let this monstrosity live.

Changes UPDATE

So I submitted my resignation to my current job but told them that if they want to keep me I would be willing to stay on for more money... and they are actually considering it. The only problem is that they can't give me a firm answer until sometime next week and I have to start the other job on Tuesday. So I told them that as I am going to do the two weeks for them they have until then to match my offer. So we shall see if that happens.

I do feel bad to use this new job as a negotiation tool, but if it works out with the my current one that would be kind of cool as I know the work already.

Changes

A few great things have happened over the last few days.

Firstly, I have been asked to be on a new Improv team at iO. It consists of a few of my friends from class and a few people that I don't know yet. What's even better is that we are being coached by Brandon, the person I really wanted as a teacher for this session but couldn't get as he wasn't teaching... so now I get to have class PLUS have him as an instructor in a way!

Nextly, I had a job interview today and was offered the job on the spot! I start on Tuesday! It's Mon-Fri and during the day. So no nights, no weekends, no perverts yelling at me! It pays more and is really close to my house. The only thing that makes me nervous right now is that it doesn't have health insurance, so I would need to pay for it if I want it... which might be a problem, though I have never really had to use it before even though I have it. Also it means that I have to turn in my resignation. I hate doing that. It feels like I am breaking up with my current job. And even though I bitch about it, I do like going to work because of the people. So what I am planning on doing tomorrow is letting my boss know that he has a choice, he can pay me more and I will stay, or I am leaving... and that's that. We shall see what happens.

Please Note...

If anyone has wants to know what I want for my birthday (4 months and counting) it's this!



Air guitar glove?! We are truly living in the future days!

If You Are Not Careful This Could Happen To You!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Last one I swear...