Sick Head!

Right now I am sitting at my computer and I realized that I had been staring blankly at it for about 10 minutes. My head is screwy right now. For the past few days I have been fighting this chest cold and I guess that it caught up with me finally. I have been going to the IO West Improv Fest for the last few days instead of actually staying in and trying to get better. (Not that there is really any way to get better but with time I have found.) The festival was great though. I got to see alot of groups that I normally have not been able to see, as well as a few that I love to watch. I will tell you one thing that I really did learn from watching the successful teams and the not so successful ones... the teams that seemed to just play with each other where the ones that I enjoyed the most. The teams that were more guarded and seemed to be playing close handed were the ones that I didn't. For example.

There were two teams last night that I ran lights. One was great, one not so much. (Remember, this is all in my humble opinion.) Chewties is a group from Chicago, all girl, music based improv. The two things that I think were great about them is that they really were just having fun with each other on stage and it didn't feel like they were there to perform, just to play around. Also, they had a very unique way of playing (using a soundtrack that they had no time with to inform their scenes and transitions.) that they actually used and didn't throw aside.

The other team, which I will not name, just didn't seem to have fun. They also had a unique form structure, but for them it seemed more like a burden then a gift. I don't know why they chose that structure if they weren't going to have fun with it. It also came through that there was a lot of ego on the team, as one player seemed to dominate all the others so there was no real play. Once again. My humble opinion.

Anyway. I am really enjoying working as an intern for IO, not only because it gets me free classes, but also because it is allowing me the opportunity to hang out with people who have been doing this for years. The more I am there, the more I want to do it for the rest of my life. My big hurdle right now that I am needing to get over is this fear. The fear of not being able to do it "right". The fear of not helping the scene. Of being the worst player on the team. It's this nagging fear that keeps me from jumping out whenever I want to. That keeps me second guessing myself from the sidelines. Perfect example was on Friday. I signed up to take a workshop from Pete Hulne, who is one of my favorite performers to watch because he does want I want to be able to do. The workshop was for creating good physical enviornments within the scene. Since it was only a 2 hour workshop we didn't get to perform much as there was alot of lecturing, but when the time did come, I got nervous. It was mainly due to the feeling that I wanted to impress Hulne and not fuck up. I kept holding back and holding back as he called for different 2 sets to perform. Finally I kicked myself and said fuck it and went up there... and did fine. Sure there were things that I would have done differently in the scene had I had the chance to do it again. The thing is that people enjoyed it and I enjoyed the hell out of it when I was up there. So what I seem to have learned really in the last few days is that I need to stop being weighed down by these fears. Accept that they are there and just move past them. Force myself into the spot and leave all the other crap at the door.

That all being said, I am not going to be able to perform tonight at the class show as I can barely sit here and type without hacking up green stuff! (I really want to take a picture of the phlegm cup I have accumulated today... but I think that would be too sick for words.) I do have rehearsal tomorrow and Thursday, so really, I just need to bring this to them!

God I can't wait for this crap to be out of my lungs!

Getting Bogged Down

My birthday was amazing thanks to my incredible friends! Started out with Ash taking me to breakfast, a movie and a tasty cupcake... then went to The Stinking Rose with a bunch of friends and ended the night at a spectacular private roomed karaoke club. (Pictures in the last post.)

Now for some worries that I am voicing to the void.

It's been about a month now. A month since I quit my job to go into acting full time. Started off quite nicely too. I got the first project I auditioned for, I had to turn down a dreadful project that came at me and I was auditioning at least 2 times a week. Now it has been about 2 weeks with no auditions, no extra work, no nothing. I have yet to book a job that will pay me, but more importantly I am going a little crazy with the lack of activity.

I have sent out some packets to agencies but have yet to get any responses. I know that I need to wait. That these sort of things take time and that it is a lifetime career that I am involved in and there is no real race, but there kind of is for money reasons. I need to find a flexible job I think. Something that will pay me, but will still allow me to audition and do improv too. I know that they are out there and I have been scowering.

I guess the reason that I have this money focus right now is because something from a long time ago has reared it's ugly head and I don't know how I am going to handle it. (Sorry to be vague, but I really don't want to discuss it until I have a firm grasp on how to work it out.)

In happier news, I finally got my internship with iO and the position suits me just fine. Hopefully I will do well with it and get moved to the front theater soon. I have also been asked to join another team that is going to be coached by Dave Hill, who is an amazing performer and I can't wait to learn from him! I shoot my first gig this Sunday in San Diego as well, which will hopefully do well and I can get more work from them in the future.

My Birthday in Pictures!

Photobucket Album

And Now I Can Add Published Author to My List!

Hey everybody!

Check out my first published article on Geekscape!!!

Also, something that might be big is brewing right now... I will keep you updated if it goes through! (Or whine about it if it doesn't... cause that's what I do!)

There's A Cat On My BED!!!!

It's been an interesting month since I last posted. Let's go over the highlights shall we?!

1) I have had much ups and downs at my new job. The job itself is fine, but the boss is very very very difficult. I blame his slight Alzheimer's. I actually got to the point that I was done this week and went out on a job interview. Turns out the people I interviewed for work for Scientology so I am kind of glad that they never called me back. After a few days of wrecking myself at work I had a nice long discussion with a coworker and he shed some light on things for me. I actually had a pretty decent week after that.

2) Speaking of weeks. Mine have become super busy. Not only am I working a 8-5 M-F job, but I am also taking 2 classes at IO this session, I am on a really fun improv team and I just joined a gym. So my life went from idle to full speed in about one week.

3) I joined a gym! That is pretty nice. I have gone every day this past week, save for yesterday and today. (Recovery is good and my sore sore muscles are thanking me.) What is really nice is that I have not weighed myself in the past 5 months and I was feeling like a slob. Because I hadn't been working out, I had been eating garbage and generally depressed. I thought that I would have gained alot of weight... that's how I feel when I looked in the mirror anyway. Well, my first day at the gym I weighed myself.... and I had actually lost 10 lbs since the last time I weighed in. That felt good. It feels even better now that I am back to the grind.

4) I shot some shorts for Wizard World LA with Dom and Gilmore. Check them out!!!







WATCH THEM IN ORDER! AND VOTE!

Anyway. I am off to WWLA to do some serious journalism.... ie talk to Donald Faison about my love of Josie and The Pussycats...

Warning!: Introspective Curves Ahead...

If you don't like bloggy posts, you better stop reading now... I got some emotional baggage to unload right now.

I'll give you a second to click away.

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Everyone gone? Ok. Here it goes.

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Which really means zero to me. It always does. Except when I am with someone. I am a die hard romantic. Most people would not know it by looking at me. Most of my friends know me as a pretty nerdy geek. But when it comes to me being with a girl I go all in. We are talking flowers for no reason. Going out on special evenings. Taking small weekend vacations. Showing her that she is one of the most special people on the planet. Those types of things. When I love, I love big.

That all being said... I think that since my last relationship I have become shell shocked. I seriously feel like I am suffering from post traumatic stress of the heart. Since moving to LA I have not even really tried to date or put myself out there. Everytime I think about it I go back in my head to the last day I was with my ex. How I was happy until the moment she told me she was breaking up with me. How I had no real clue that she wasn't in love with me anymore and how stupid I felt not catching on. Until her I had had other relationships, but I had never really given myself over to it as completely as that. So when it was cut off it was seriously like losing a part of myself. It took me months just to not break down randomly. It took me going to therapy sessions to realize that I wasn't an idiot or a horrible person. It took me moving to LA to not feel the need to call her and wonder what I could have done differently to have avoided all the pain that I felt. It has now been longer then we had dated since we broke up and I still find myself thinking about her almost everyday.

Basically I think I have been really depressed lately. Going to bed early. Not really wanting to go out with friends. Feeling like I am on the verge of crying for no real reason. I don't like it at all. I am a pretty outgoing guy, so when I feel like this I beat myself up for wasting my time with it. Which, as you might think, doesn't really help the situation. I am feeling really lost in this feeling. I know I need to do something about it, but I really can't think of a solution. I could go to a therapist again, that worked really well last time, but I don't make enough money now to pay for the expense. I could work out more, but I can't afford a gym membership and I can only motivate myself so much on my own. I could try just going out on a few dates with random girls, but I am so self concious right now I don't know where to find the courage to ask out a live girl and the internet dating doesn't really work for me as I must be a leaper since no one ever answers me.

Looking back on that last paragraph of self loathing dreck and excuses I can see why I am depressed. I need to stop making excuses and just do something about it other then eat my feelings away, which is what it feels like I am doing.

Well that's it for now. Hopefully my next post won't be nearly this over dramatic and awful.

Happy VD everybody!

How to Lose Your Voice in 10 Easy Steps...

I don't know why, but out of the blue yesterday my voice decided to leave me. I have lost my voice before, but then I was feeling sick. I don't feel ill right now. In fact, I feel better then I have in awhile. There are a few things that I think can be looked at to the cause:

1) Running around a few nights in the rain, not dressed appropriately.
2) I talk alot more at my current job then I usually do.
3) The Gentleman are planning on stealing my heart....

Hopefully I will have a bit of it for tomorrow's class.