Base Line Whammy Bars

2009-01-29T12:46:00.001-08:00

Update. I am in a slump workout wise it feels like. I am losing motivation to go. It has to be the downtime I have taken in the past week, with the bachelor party and the long days on set. I am finding it hard to push myself to go.

There is also the money stress. After only working on one set this last month and making the least amount possible per day, I had to draw my entire Feb rent/bills from my savings. This means that I only have $1300 left in there, and since Feb is the shortest month of the year I have to come up with something fast in order to stay afloat. I need a day job ASAP, but I don't even know where to start looking and the stress is hurting.

Use the stress Dunn. Go to the gym and work it out!

Work Out Blog #1-ish

2009-01-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

Today marked my 8th day of gym time since I started this journey. It also marks the end of my first week on the meal plans. There have been some ups and downs.

Ups:
The food is actually very good. Better tasting then the usual garbage that I put in my face.

I am actually starting to get a rhythm at the gym. I did an hour of cardio today and some weights, and I am still thinking that if I get out of work early enough tonight I might make a stop over to do some more because I am still jazzed.

My parents bought me a scale, which is probably going to be bad since I am neurotic and will weigh myself constantly... just for S&G (shits and giggles for those of you trying to keep up.)

Downs:
I didn't actually make it out to the gym everyday for the past week and half like I wanted, but I am trying not to beat myself up for that since a few of those days I was working to make money and such.

Though tasty, the food isn't enough it seems since I am working out so much. I find myself very very hungry mid day and trying to find something relatively healthy to nosh on.

So that's pretty much it for now. Lastly I am going to end this post with my weight gain/loss for the week.

Gym Time Total: ~12Hrs
Cardio: 8Hrs
Weights: 4Hrs

Starting Weight(12/28): 339
Current Weight: 328
Total Loss: -11lbs

Day 1!

2009-01-02T11:10:00.000-08:00

Ok. So this is not a resolution. I repeat. NOT A RESOLUTION.

I have given myself a goal. To work out as much as possible and try to live a healthier life this year. In keeping with that I have been going to the gym everyday for the past week. (With the small exception of yesterday since I was a little too partied out to make my way there.) It has been great so far. The key is not to overdo it. That's kind of like the bingeing of the exercise world I guess. Go too hard and you feel like crap, eat too much you feel like crap. So I have been keeping it to 45 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of various weights and it seems to be working.

I have also started a new food regime today. All pre-prepared and nutritionally balanced. The breakfast was actually pretty tasty. A nice little bran muffin and protien hot cocoa. I will keep you all updated on how that goes as well.

This new program also wants me to keep a journal of thoughts and what I have eaten and weight loss... so I will probably just start using this as the journal, so you can read the progress too.

Hmm...

2008-12-29T21:31:00.001-08:00

Your result for The Love Styles Test...

75% Eros, 25% Ludus, 71% Storge, 14% Pragma, 39% Mania, 71% Agape

At various times, everyone takes on different aspects of each of the love styles. No one is just one style or another. However, we each have styles that we may tend towards more than the others.

Also, no one style is necessarily better or worse than any other. It's more important to find what works for each of us as individuals, and figure out how to enjoy our love in a healthy and positive way.

The descriptions below were taken from Close Relationships Research by Susan S. Hendrick and Wikipedia's entry on Love Styles. I highly recommend checking out these resources if you find this subject interesting.

Eros 75%

The Eros lover is characterized by passion, though a passion broader than just a physical one. The Eros lover tends to be drawn toward a preferred physical type, and thus there may be an immediate recognition or "aha" when meeting a potential love partner. This lover is intense and wants to be involved with a partner on all levels, becoming physically affectionate (and intimate), talking for hours, and learning all about the partner. The Eros lover is fully and openly "present," is self-confident and trusting, and balances intensity with an appropriate sense of boundaries.

Erotic lovers view marriage as an extended honeymoon, and sex as the ultimate aesthetic experience. They tend to address their lovers with pet names, such as "sweetheart" or "honey." An erotic lover can be perceived as a hopeless romantic. Those of other love styles may see erotic lovers as unrealistic, or trapped in a fantasy.

The advantage of erotic love is the sentimentality of it. It is very relaxing to the person doing it. The disadvantage is the inevitableness of the decay in attraction, and the danger of living in a fantasy world. In its extreme, eros can resemble naivete.

Ludus 25%

The Ludus lover, in contrast, is not interested in intensity, but rather experiences love as a game to be played for mutual enjoyment but not necessarily with any serious outcome in mind. Ludic lovers do not have a preferred physical type. Although ludic lovers may be in a partnered relationship with someone, ludic love is best played with several partners at a time, so that different people may be enjoyed for different qualities, in different activities, with no one person or relationship taking precedence over another. A ludic lover may hurt a partner inadvertently, but the goal is to enjoy relationships with a variety of people, with everyone having fun and no one getting hurt.

Ludic lovers are players. More interested in quantity than quality of relationships, ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. Ludic lovers choose their partners by playing the field, and quickly recover from break-ups.

Ludic lovers generally view marriage as a trap, and are the most likely of the love styles to commit infidelity. They might view children as a sign of fertility, or, if male, a confirmation of their masculinity. They regard Sex as a conquest or a sport, and they engage in relationships because they see them as a challenge.

The advantage of ludic love is excellent sexual technique. The disadvantage is the likelihood of infidelity. In its extreme form, ludic love becomes promiscuity.

Storge 71%

The Storge lover is someone who builds a love relationship on a strong base of friendship. The goal is: A companionable, secure, trusting relationship with a partner who is similar in terms of attitudes and values. This similarity is much more important to Storge than physical appearance or sexual satisfaction because this orientation to love is more likely to seek long-term commitment rather than short-term excitement. (S. Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992, p. 65)

Storgic lovers are friends first. Storgic love develops gradually out of friendship, and the friendship can endure beyond the breakup of the relationship. Storgic lovers choose their mates based on homogamy, and sometimes cannot pinpoint the moment that friendship turned to love. Storgic lovers want their significant others to also be their best friends.

Storgic lovers place much importance on commitment, and find their motivation to avoid committing infidelity is to preserve the trust between the partners. Children and marriage are seen as legitimate forms of their bond. Sex is of lesser importance than in some of the other love styles.

The advantage of storgic love is the level of intimacy between the partners. The disadvantage is boredom and lack of passion.

Pragma 14%

The Pragma lover is all that the name implies, including practical and pragmatic. A Pragma lover may or may not have a preferred physical type, but he or she will surely have a virtual (or actual) shopping list of qualities sought in a partner. This type of lover may profit from working with a matchmaker or a computer dating service, in which inappropriate relationship candidates will be screened out. "The pragmatic lover isn't looking for great excitement and drama, but, rather, for a suitable partner with whom a satisfying, rewarding life can be built" (S. Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992, p. 66).

Pragmatic lovers are practical. Pragmatic lovers think rationally and realistically about their expectations in a partner, and select them via comparison shopping or shopping-list love. Pragmatic lovers want to find value in their partners, and ultimately want to work with their partner to reach a common goal.

Pragmatic lovers will avoid infidelity to avoid adverse consequences, and carefully weigh the costs and rewards of a relationship. Pragmatic lovers view sex as a reward or a means of procreation, and view marriage and children as potential liabilities and assets.

The advantage of pragmatic love is practicality and realism. The disadvantage is undemonstrativeness and lack of emotion. In its extreme form, pragma can become prostitution.

Mania 39%

The Mania lover is also aptly characterized by the love style name, in that emotional highs and lows, as well as dependence, possessiveness, jealousy, and insecurity are typically present. A manic lover yearns for a love relationship but finds it elusive, because she or he seems compelled to push for commitment from a partner, does not really trust the commitment even if it is forthcoming, and is always afraid that the partner will find someone else. Another aspect of Mania is physical symptoms, such as difficulty eating or sleeping. Overall, the Mania lover always seems to be looking for the cloud around the silver lining.

Manic lovers often have low self-esteem, and place much importance on their relationship. Manic lovers speak of their partners in possessives and superlatives, and feel they "need" their partners. Love is a means of rescue, or a reinforcement of value. Manic lovers often discover their partners by haphazard means.

Manic lovers will avoid committing infidelity if they fear discovery. They view marriage as ownership, and children as either competition or a substitute for their lover. Sex is a reassurance of love. Manic lovers are often anxious or insecure, and can be extremely jealous. Manic lovers respond well to therapy, and often grow out of this style.

The advantage of manic love is intensity. The disadvantage is jealousy, obsessiveness, and insatiability. In its extreme, mania becomes addiction or codependency.

Agape 71%

The Agape lover is the rarest type of lover. Agape is characterized by altruism, such that the partner's welfare is more important than one's own welfare, and what one can give in a relationship is more important than what one gets. Indeed, Agape has much in common with compassionate love. The idealism of Agape means that there is no one preferred physical type in a partner, and indeed, sensuality and sexuality are likely to be much less important than more spiritual qualities. Although pure Agape is unlikely to exist on the physical plane of this world, agapic qualities are extremely important as relationships encounter inevitable ups and downs.

Agapic love is self-sacrificing, all-encompassing love. Agapic lovers are often spiritual or religious people. Agapic lovers view their partners as blessings, and wish to take care of them.

Agapic lovers will remain faithful to their partners to avoid causing them pain, and will often wait patiently for their partners after a break-up. Marriage and children are sacred trusts, and sex is a gift between two people. Agapic love believes itself to be unconditional, though lovers taking an agapic stance to relationships risk suffering from inattention to their own needs.

The advantage of agapic love is its generosity. A disadvantage is that it can induce feelings of guilt or incompetence in a partner. In its deviant form, agape becomes martyrdom.

Take The Love Styles Test at HelloQuizzy

Fridays Happy

2008-12-19T23:02:00.000-08:00

Cleaned my room! It's now ready to be shown to outsiders. The best was taking Pat and Brian to two of my favorite things: K24 (My new fav restaurant.) and Opening Night the Musical. (This time with 100% more Cacky!) It was so much fun. Pat bought us all shots of Rumpelmints at the suggestion of Cowhig. I love that shot. Easy and strong. Like me! On the way home Brian and I start going into a few of our car bits and Pat just jumps right in. I love that kid so much! Best find on set so far!

Thursday's Happy

2008-12-18T22:06:00.000-08:00

Spent all day on set. I had a great time with Kimi and met some other new girls as well. I always find it so neat that pretty girls find me funny and good to be around. Other guys on set must be jealous...

Wednesday's Happy

2008-12-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

Had lunch with the lovely Ashley Nugent. (FANtastic piza by the way.) Then went and saw The Day The Earth Stood Still with mah boy Pat. Not that bad of a movie, had it's flaws, but not tooo bad.

Tuesday's Happy

2008-12-17T01:14:00.000-08:00

Went to the iO Holiday party. Saw two amazing shows. Drank. Broke my iO West party smoke session cherry. Got kisses from Ash-Pants... and Graham... which was weird, but nice I guess. Had lots of great conversations.

Ashley's Assignment!

2008-12-16T00:58:00.000-08:00

1. Post about something that made you happy today even if it's just a small thing.
2. Do this everyday for a week without fail.
3. Tag your friends to do the same.

Monday's Happy
Instead of going to rehearsal tonight the team as it was went to K24 for some lovely dinner and bonding. I love my team! When I got home I had Pat over to watch the Heroes season finale. It sucked, but it was good to have Mr. D over. We had a really good conversation in the cold outside afterward. That man is a gem!

TAG: Dom Zook! Faye! KT!

Seriously...

2008-12-11T01:00:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough ever? Why am I always left out? Am I not fun to be with? Am I not a good guy? A good listener? Why is it that the girls I am interested in are never really interested in me, but they have no problem finding my friends worthwhile! Am I that unattractive to the opposite sex? Am I that asexual?

FUCK!

This is what I get for introducing the girls I am interested in to my guy friends. Not even second best. Always the never run.

I'm done with all of this.

(Please note I am fucking angry, sad and drunk as shit.)

Yeah.

2008-12-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

Meet my new obsession...

The Dunn Deal #67 from Benjamin Dunn on Vimeo.

From Design to Completion

2008-12-04T15:52:00.000-08:00

So I got the tattoo. As you can see, it is a perfect blend of everything I wanted.

INVASION!

2008-11-11T13:01:00.001-08:00

The ants are back. It was such a great time with them gone. We had about 2 months of antless days. Now they are back, and in greater force. I first noticed them in my room a few days ago, gathered on a box with a scanner in it. Today I did laundry and had put some clothes on my bed. About an hour later I notice a few ants on my bed, when I moved a pair of shorts there were about 50-60 ants underneath. I swatted them all off the bed and sprayed the ant killer and bleach on the floor. When I moved the shorts again I noticed more of them. They were all over that pair of shorts. I don't get it. I have to go to work soon so I can't clean up everything in here in time to leave. I guess tonight is Ben Cleans His Room Night and ANTSLAUGHTER 2008 Part Dos.

Tattoo Design

2008-11-10T19:17:00.000-08:00

Oh. And I have come up with the final idea for the new tattoo.

I want to combine these three images into one thought.

1. The sign for chaos:

2. The Infinity Sign:

3: A top view of a lotus flower:

If anyone can come up with a design that incorporates all of these ideas in something awesome let me know...

Thank God For Work!!!

2008-11-10T18:48:00.000-08:00

It's been a hell of a few days here friends. Lots of time on my hands. Lots of degenerate thoughts. Lots of drinking. (Though one tends to lead to another most of the time right?) Let's recount shall we?

Thursday: No Work. Feeling a bit down. Went to Gen's house. Proceeded to drink more then half a case of NattieIce while watching Not Another Teen Movie. Apparently made some videos that are now circulating YouTube. (Thank you Gen!) Slept a bit.

Friday: Woke up. Took Gen to work. Went to breakfast with Jess. Hung out with her and her roommate for a bit. (Those girls are a hoot and a half!) Came home. Sat around. Tried to nap. Went to iO West to cover a shift. Saw some good shows. Went home. Slept.

Saturday: Woke. Tried to go see a movie with Ash. (Emphasis on TRIED since everything that could go wrong DID go wrong.) Watched some OC. Went to class. Had an amazing class! (Love Craig Cackowski!) Ate some amazing food. Worked at iO again. Wanted to go to Becca's birthday... couldn't due to Prop 8 Protests happening all over the Westside. (Fuck you Conservitives for making the protests happen!) Went home. Slept.

Sunday: Woke. Did fuck all. Drank. Watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Sobered up. Drank. Watched Flight of the Concords. Went for a walk. Slept.

Monday: Woke. Did laundry. Saw Role Models with Pat. Wrote in my blog. Going to rehearsal. Coming home. Sleeping!

So thank god I am working tomorrow! (Though I just found out that I am replacing another extra so my call time has been moved from noon to 4pm. Which means I am not going to be able to hang with Jess... which equals a boo in my book.)

Hopefully things will pick up for the rest of the week.

I can't wait to go home for a few days!

2008-11-07T23:58:00.000-08:00

At least I put myself out there for once instead of letting it eat away at me and wondering what if.

2008-11-03T17:28:00.000-08:00

You know that feeling when you have a cold coming on? That slight tickling in the back of your throat on the first day. The rised tempurature? The little runny nose? All those added together and you know that you will be sick for the next couple of days because you didn't catch on soon enough to take any precaution and nip it in the bud? Well it works with crushes too.

Didn't see it coming. Just weeks ago I was writing how I hadn't had any feelings for girls in a long time. (It's true. Go back a few posts and read for yourself.) Then I stumble into a conversation with a few people on set that I can really sink my teeth into. Video games, bad movies, comics. Awesome! Plus one of them is from Washington and actually knew my alma mater. And she was a hot little number too. (Very much my type if you know what my type is.) We had some great conversations and I thought, cool now I have a new friend and someone to talk to on set when I get to work with her. Should have nipped it in the bud then! Taken whatever the emotional equivelant of Airbourne would be. But I didn't. Hung out with her outside of work. Turns out she really is alot of fun to be around and we really do "click" on multiple levels. Got to know her even more today as we carpooled to set and spent most of the day together.

Now? Now I feel that slight tickle on the inside. The little smile that I get when I start to like someone in a bit more than friendly way. And I am wondering if I should squash it down now, or let it play out. I really don't know. On the one hand I have some pretty hard evidence that she might like me in return. (Though it could just be mixed signals.) On the other I don't want to go and make it weird since we do end up working together quite abit it seems, if I am judging things wrong. It should be easy. Ask her out, see what she says. But I see myself doing what I do best, dancing around it too long and watching her go off with someone else because I haven't made my feelings known clear enough and she doesn't want to wait.

Sitting here rereading that last statement I think I have decided to just make it clear now and see what happens so this doesn't get too out of hand.

Also, there is a helicopter flying around Glendale for the past 10 minutes... I wonder what happened.

Thrill The World '08

2008-10-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

I always said that the Hollywood and Highland Center draws in the mass consumer tourist zombies... I just never thought that they would be so graceful.

HPATHBP

2008-10-27T09:15:00.001-07:00

'Nuff Said.

Emotional Exorcism

2008-10-20T00:04:00.000-07:00

*Preface*
I am tired so this post may get a little non-sensical and/or whiny. Please to be moving on if you do not approve of such posts.

Tonight was weird. I feel used. Let's back this train up though and start at the beginning. Recently I have been getting strange vibes from alot of women, some that I am friends with, some that I don't know from Eve. The basic jist of it is this: Women have been noticing me lately. Not in the "ooooo I need to jump this guys bones" way, more of a "I am going to go up to him and tell him exactly what I think of him" way. Not that it has been bad. Over the last month I have been told by no fewer than 4 complete strangers that I have a beautiful face, or very handsome features or something alone those lines. I have been pretty obviously persued by at least one girl, which might be nice if I don't find a way to fuck it up. Tonight though I was asked to come over to a friends house for the evening. I did. It was fine. Lots of flirting. Some cuddling. (Told once again that I am attractive.) But then the weird happened. This friend proceeds to then uses my being there as a passive-aggressive weapon to my other friend via texts. It also becomes very obvious to me that she likes him but isn't getting the attention she wants from him and is using me to make him feel jealous... or at least trying to. All of this makes me feel very VERY uncomfortable. Now she also asked me to hang out with her for halloween, which I was considering, but now I realize that it was just her way of trying to have me so he can't have me. To which I say FUCK THIS and am removing myself from the situation entirely. I choose no sides. I am Switzerland.

All that being said. I am feeling very lonely right now since I am nothing more then a tool. I think I miss being loved and loving someone in return. (Though I do have lots of friendly-love! Thank god for that!)

SNL

2008-10-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

If anyone didn't catch SNL last night, you totally missed out. They were on! From the Palin opener to the Mark Wahlberg retort to the NARC school. All good stuff.

Thank god for Hulu!

Stereo-Typical Blog Post #4

2008-10-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

The last few nights have been full of dreams. Weird dreams. Sexy dreams. Epic dreams. I am not one for writing these flights of brain death down, but some of them have been eating at me, so I will exercise them onto the virtual page.

The first few happened a couple nights ago. The first being a certain someone who shall remain nameless, but knows who they are, was caught doing a naked backflip off of one balcony to the one below in some sort of bet. Not much there, except the image of what my brain preceives this person to look like naked, which is awesome. The second dream that night was alot more frightening. I was being chased by a mole like monster that was about 4 foot high and made out of the same material as Stretch Armstrong. It caught me, wrapped itself around me and as I was trying to push it's face away it bit my finger with it's mouth full of tiny needle sharp teeth and chewed it off. Luckily I woke up at that moment.

The second batch came last night. The first one started off great. I was at a party at my friends house in Seattle. Turns out it was a sex party where the girls choose the guys that they want. I was the third guy picked and it was by this gorgeous girl. She took me upstairs. Got naked. I helped start her motor if you catch my drift and sent her over the finish line... then she kicked me out. End of dream. The problem with this dream is that it happens all the time for me. Not the same one mind you, but different ones with the same theme. Me in a sexual situation where I don't get to have sex. After psycho-analizing myself, I think it has to do with me knowing I am good at the lead ups, but my lack of confidence in the actual act itself. Psycho-babble over. Onto the EPIC dream of the night.

I was on a family vacation in some South American villiage with all of my extended family. They all went off to a movie without me and I was rushing to catch up. I got lost, but luckily my friend Eliana was there to point me in the right direction. Before she let me go though, she told me that I would need to be careful with my new gift and use it at the right time, or the world would be over. Other stuff happened. I found out my gift was to freeze anything I touched. I also found out that there was a girl that was going to lead a ceremony to rise the devil and I had to stop her. I found the secret location in a valley between two huge mountains where the ceremony was going to take place. It turns out the girl was actually Eliana and I had to freeze her before she finished, but I couldn't because every time I would touch her she would melt the ice. Somehow I figured out that if I grabbed a pole and held her against it I could freeze her. When I did, the power surged and froze everything in the valley. I passed out and when I came to the place was one big iceberg, but Eliana was gone and I was told that I didn't stop it in time, but I could still fight my way to her and stop all hell from being raised. That's when I woke up.

Pretty awesome reading other people's dreams right? Neat!

PG Porn

2008-10-08T09:18:00.001-07:00

I don't know why someone hasn't thought of this sooner. Why don't we take those ridiculous porno scenes, the ones that happen before the sex... and remove the sex? What do you get? A silly scene with bad acting and a horrible premise. COMEDY GOLD! James Gunn (Director of Slither, Tromeo and Juliet and Ex-Husband of Jenna Fischer) and his brothers have done exactly that with "James Gunn's PG Porn".

Basically he just got some of his actor friends (Firefly's Nathan Fillion, Smallville's Michael Rosenbaum and his brother Sean Gunn, best known for his character Kirt on Gilmore Girls.) together with some of porn's most famous faces and bodies (Belladonna, Aria Giovanni and Sasha Grey).

Sounds good right? Wrong. It's GREAT! Below is the first scene that was released today. I won't say anything more about it, as to not give a bit away.

So sit back, relax but keep your pants on for...

JAMES GUNN'S PG PORN!!!

Nailing Your Wife

Now THIS is dedication! (Double Entendre Intended)

2008-10-07T12:33:00.000-07:00

Side Bar: A is for Awesome!

2008-10-03T14:36:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I just wanted to take a little time and talk about how awesome my friend Ashley is. Today we went to see Nick and Nora's Infinite PLaylist, which besides from being a little too emo/hipstery was pretty great. It was totally what I needed after a week of being sick and hanging out with semi-douchy people on set. After that we went and bought some car smelly stuff for my car and a pillow for her butt, or bed, or something. (And I came across this really fucking soft pillow that was like holding the most amazing pet but without the pooping and the taking care of... but that's besides the point.) Anyway. It was just great hanging out with her today since she is one of those people that you can just have fun with and not worry about being whatever it is that other people want you to be.

In conclusion. Ashley is awesome. I am drugged up and happy. It's a nice sunny and chill day out. I am going to go and fall asleep in the sun I think. Like a cat. (Also, Ashley makes the most adorable LOLCatz voice... ok I'm done.)

Right. Tonight = Party, Party, Sleep. Tomorrow = eForAll Coverage and work.

TTFN.

Financial Noose Tightening

2008-09-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

It's coming down to it again. I looked in my account and it is pretty bleak. So I am hit with a cold fact. I need money. The problem is that I don't know what to do. Things are picking up acting wise. I have three gigs in front of me and one paycheck in the mail. The work isn't paying that well and it is no where near steady. That and I am having a very difficult time finding a part time job. I did sign up with an extra firm and if they can supply me with steady work then the problem is solved. All I know is that I have enough money right now to pay for rent for next month, after that I don't know. I am considering dipping into the IRA one more time, but that will make the taxes at the end of the year that much worse.

So many things to think about. Wish there was a dream job out there that would pay me what I need and allow me to do my passion at the same time.

What More?

2008-09-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

That's a question I have been asking myself alot in the last few days. What more can I do?

What more can I do to further my career?
What more can I do to further my improv?
What more can I do to further my life?

The answer to the first is classes, showcases, agents that actually get me auditions. I was just offered a good opportunity to audition for a major showcase in November, but I can't afford it since it cost around $500 to be in it if you do get in. I have been sending out my headshots to theatrical agents for the last two months and have not heard anything back yet. (Though I hear it takes months to hear anything from anyone.) Class wise I have a lead on a good teacher that a few of my friends have taken, but once again money is an issue. I have put out feelers amongst my acting friends about getting a reading group together just so we can all work on our cold reading and acting skills together without having to pay for it. I guess I am just worried because I am running out of funds quite rapidly and I need to get some more work fast.

Improv wise I just need to continue to work on it I guess. I can say this saftely, I am more comfortable on stage now then I was a few months ago and that is something in itself. My next goal is to start doing more character inspired improv, which will take some more time to get comfortable with.

As for my life... that's a harder one. Being 28 years old I figured I would have shit down by now. A relationship, maybe kids, well into my good career... but none of that is that case. The only solice I can take is the fact that most of my friends down here are all in the same boat. If I had stayed in Seattle I would be feeling WAY different as most of my friends are completely settled up there. I am more and more amazed with each passing month to see how many of my friends from High School and College are married with kids right now. Makes me sad in a way since I don't have that. At the same time though I am glad that I am where I am. If I had gotten married like I was planning on 2 years ago I would be in a very different place and probably not as happy. (Though who is to say, I might be very content with a steady relationship and job...) ((No, cause if I was, I would have that life right now.))

Don't take this the wrong way. I am very happy where I am at right now... but this is just rung 2 on an infinitely runged ladder... I need to figure out how to get to the next step.

Today I feel like a /

2008-09-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

Woke up in a very "blah" mood today. I don't know why either. Things are definitely going in the right direction. I am shooting a short all this week. I am shooting some television episodes all next week. The Semi-Awesomatics (my improv troupe) won their 3rd Student Cagematch in a row last night. I am not sick. These are all great things. Yet. "Blah".

It could be a couple different things.

It could be because I have been thinking lately that I am going to need to quit my other improv troupe because I have been missing too many rehearsals and I am feeling like an outsider and they are doing well without me anyway, but I really love playing with them and I would feel like something is missing if I leave... (It's like trying to decide to end a relationship that you love the person, but you feel you aren't being fair to them because you aren't giving them enough of your time.)

It could be because I have recently been missing having a real relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Though to be honest, I think I am more "blah" because I haven't met anyone recently that has knocked the wind out of me. So I guess it's more like I am missing having someone to have a crush on. Though I also miss looking into someone's eyes and seeing awe and love in them. (Side note to that: You wanna hear the sad truth? The thing that spawned that last statement was me watching an episode of The O.C. last night ((DONT JUDGE! HULU IS CRUEL SOMETIMES!!)) and the way that the actress who plays Anna was looking at Seth at one point completely reminded me of a look that I used to get from all of my previous girlfriends. That look of "My god, I am so proud of you and I love the fact that you are all mine." You know that look? MAN! That's a great look!)

So basically I am in a funk this morning. I have a feeling it will clear up by early afternoon, hopefully giving way to bright happy times.

And Sometimes This Happens!

2008-09-04T01:29:00.001-07:00

Improv News

2008-08-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I have been rehearsing with two different teams lately. The Semi-Awesomatics and The Latchkey Kids. Both are wonderful and I get to work with most of the people that I fancy in an improv way. Just lots of fun to play with. Well, both teams have now had a few shows and it's awesome. The Semis had our first show on Thursday and it was a cagematch, meaning that we were up against another team and the audience voted who was the best. Turns out we were! That means that we get to go up this Thursday and go again. (If we win this time then we get to go against the Mainstage team!!!) We did our form last night for the first time in front of a crowd and it went gangbusters! I was nervous about the suggestion as it didn't really work to have us all know each other (Pink Floyd Laser Show) but it actually worked really really well.

As for the Latchkey Kids, we have performed a few times too. The first time I felt bad because I was very hesitant with my moves and it felt weak. Last night though I played balls out and it was fun. Though Ash made me lose my shit hard on stage! Something about those big brown eyes staring at you in a weird way just made me laugh. Oh dear!

Sore Yet Happy

2008-08-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

Today marked the last day of the fourth week of the Bootcamp torture. Let me tell you... if you ever want to try it... go for it, but be prepared to sweat, curse, vomit and fall down. Yesterday though I weighed myself. (Something you are not supposed to do... but I really wanted to and I was at the gym, so I did.) In the past four weeks, due to these workouts and having to keep a food journal I have lost a total of 25 lbs. This is great, but I still have yet to see where it went, cause I feel I look the same.

Still feels great though. Only a million more to go!

Summer Sickness Part DEUX!

2008-08-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

Awesome.

My friend Matt came over to give my roommate back his key since he was watching Marilyn while we were gone. I noticed that his voice was all raspy and he said he had been sick for the last few days. Well, lo and behold, I got sick yesterday! Great. It's probably because my immunity level is down due to the new work out regiem. Hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow since I need to record an audition for this upcoming game.

Oh and try to remember to watch Monday Night Football this season on ESPN. You might recognize someone in the opening intro... especially on November 3rd!

Let's Make This Quick!

2008-07-31T08:16:00.000-07:00

So I have a few minutes before I must make my long trek to Santa Monica for the day. Life so far:
I have started Extreme Bootcamp. This will be the ending of my second week, though I did miss 3 days last week due to Comic Con. (More on that later!) So far you ask? It's kicking my ass left right and up down! Let me paint you a picture...

My alarm goes off at 530am. I get up, get ready (this being finding a clean workout shirt and shorts then putting on my knee brace and shoes.) then head off to Barnsdale Park in Hollywood. When I arrive I have to lay out my mat and weights (10 lbs) and we start. First up is some in place cardio to get the heart pumping. This includes jumping jacks, boxer shuffle while punching, speed bagging, uppercutting, then on to high knees, ass kickers and the like. Then some stretching, which is nice... but then come the situps and pushups in all the delightful colors of the rainbow! After the warm up we usually go on a run. (Well, speed walk for me.) Then back for whatever hell they have planned for us that day. Yesterday for example was this lovely thing aptly called "Suicides"! The way they work is this: There is a very long, very steep hill leading up to the top of the park where we do our thing. So they have us grab our weights then run down to the bottom of the hill. Once there, we drop our weights and have to then run back to the top of the hill, then jog down, then turn around and run three quarters of the way up and jog back down, then half way up and back down and so on and so forth. I threw up a little. Yeah. Nice. Then when we were done with that we had to grab our weights and lunge step all the way back up while doing different arm curls! Oh! And we had to run part of the way backwards! After this was over it was back to the mats for some more pushups and situps then stretching.

So needless to say I do that 5 days a week! I feel great afterward, but during I think I am going to die. Literally!

But as I said, I did miss part of last week due to my favorite time of year. San Deigo Comic Con! This year, though fun, was also quite a bitch too. This is the second year there that I am going for both fun and work since I help out with filming Geekscape's Comic Con Spectacular! This year was different though since I had more to do. I actually got to interview some folks on camera and some audio as well. The on camera interviews were nerve wracking since the first set I was thrown a curve ball and given people I did not prepare for. (Though I was told by our editor and chief that he really liked my interview style and that I am a natural... which is nice of him.) I did get to interview Chris Evans(Not Another Teen Movie, Fantastic Four), Dakota Fanning(Way too many movies for her age), Alex Proyas(Director of The Crow and Dark City) and some other people. That was alot of fun. The best though was getting to hang out with Seattle people I never get to see... and the industry parties! Oooooh the industry parties! You cannot complain about open bar, free food, free swag, free Nerdcore concert (yeah, I got to meet and hang out with MC Lars and MC Frontalot... want to touch me?!) and playing some cool games! It was fun, but exhausting. I can't wait til next year... but boy am I glad it's a year away! (Oh and I ran into my dream girl, Zooey Deschannel... she didn't like me... broke my heart!)

So to wrap this all up. Bootcamp and Comic Con: Hard and frustrating but oh so fun!

And my dad gets into town today, so I need to come up with some fun things to show him while he is here!

Off to some hush hush game testing! See you all later.

Absolute Insanity!

2008-07-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

I started doing Bootcamp this week. What that entails is me getting up at 600am, going down to a park in Los Feliz and getting my ass handed to me for the next hour. We usually start out with some stretches, then move on to jumping jacks, push ups, situps, high knees... stuff to get the body moving. Then it's off for a run. The first day I made it about half way through before my left shin started hurting like nobody's business. The instructor watched me run and said that it was probably the shoes that I was wearing (the shoes that I had just paid $90 for.) and she suggested this certain store to go to that watch how you run and find the best shoes for you. Anyway. After the run we did the standard squats and lunges then some mat work. What sucks is that I have done all these routines before and they were never this hard. Part of which I chalk up to doing them at the fast pace and long reps that I am not used to, though mostly it's just because I let myself get way out of shape.

After the workout I headed back home and made breakfast, showered and prepped for my audition later that day. Let's speak of auditions shall we? This weeks schedule was crazy with a few auditions coming through yesterday and today. Both were for commercials, both are paying... so I wonder why my agent didn't send me out on them? Why did I have to find them myself? Hmmm.

So I also went to that shoe shop that my instructor recommended and they did exactly as she said. They watched me run and found me a shoe that fits amazingly and helps drastically reduce my pronation. So on this mornings run I was able to perform better. Though it didn't help that my knee, which has been acting funny since the accident, tried to give out near the end. It kind of fucked up the rest of my work out too since we did alot of different leg work today. (I have never been that close to passing out from working out before either...) Needless to say, I think that this might work for me... I just need to get myself up to speed with the rest of the class. I am definitely the slow wheel here.

NEXT!

2008-07-17T00:23:00.000-07:00

Our friend Eric seems to be on the prowl for some STDs!

Eric on MTV's NEXT from Theatre Strike Force on Vimeo.

(He's the one in the bowtie...)

Also... Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog Act 2 is up now... go watch it before it's gone!

Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog

2008-07-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

So for those of you in my audience who do not keep up on all things Joss Wheadon... I have a treat for you!

Jos Wheadon (creator of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly and writer of many amazing comics... and if I need to explain this to you, you obviously have stumbled in here accidently and I apologize, but you should now direct your internets over to Netflix and treat yourself to wonderfulness...) has been developing this internet series for awhile now and it is finally out. There is a catch though. You can only view it for free until Sunday July 20th! There are three parts. The first part was released today and can be viewed at: DrHorrible.Com
The rest will be released Thursday July 17th and Saturday July 19th... Problem is that the site has crashed due to the swarms of rabid Wheadonites trying to watch the show.

There is hope though! If you go to ITunes you can actually buy all 3 shows for only $4. Why pay $4 instead of free you ask. Well. Let me tell you friends. Somethings are worth less then a gallon of gas! You get all shows on your computer and Ipod for life and they are much better quality then streaming anyway. (Plus if the other two episodes are anything like this first one, it is going to be another instant classic!)

So that's my pitching for the day. Go watch this now! Here's the trailer:

Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

But you know what... I am not done.

Geekscape's latest episode has a special guest on it. A guest wrangled by yours truly!
Ms. Felicia Day! You might know her from the last season of Buffy as potential slayer Vi. (She is actually in the latest comic as well.) She is also the love interest in Dr. Horrible and does a great job.

You can download the episode on ITunes or watch it on our site: Geekscape.Net

Ok. Bye!

A Special Message From Your Friends At NBC

2008-07-04T08:55:00.001-07:00

The Noah Effect

2008-07-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

I have noticed something lately. It is that my single friends have all gotten it into their minds that they need to be paired up. Now I don't blame them. In fact I am slightly jealous that they even have prospects to pair themselves to. Good for them. Personally I have nothing going on in that regard to my life. Though that is nothing different then the last two years. Not that I want a girlfriend mind you. I shouldn't at this point. I do miss connecting with someone else on a physical level though. So I guess I am feeling that pull too...

In other news. Meet my new car. I haven't named her yet... but Ashley did have a good idea...

June = Lots Of Stuff!

2008-06-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

So it has only been a few weeks since my last post and a lot has happened since. Let's do this systematically shall we? From Worst to Best...

Worst Thing To Happen:
1) My car was totaled. I was driving on the freeway and traffic went from full speed to stand still. I stopped in time, the driver behind however did not. His car rammed into mine and forced me into the car in front. Luckily no one was seriously injured... besides my poor car. The back was gone, and the front was crushed. As a result I have no car and I just had to return the rental today as my insurance only paid it off to today, even though their check will not clear for another 7 business days. So I have no idea how that will work. Dom has been kind enough to allow me use of his car if needed, but I really need to find something quick.

2) Since the car accident my neck and back have been alright until yesterday when I was working the Valley Fair. I thought I would be fine, but I was wrong. I was scheduled to work the whole weekend for a good bit of money as a weight tosser for the kids tractor pull. It was too much for me though it seems as my back and neck are messed today and I can barely move around. (I don't know if this is because of aggravation from the accident or that I am just hideously out of shape...)

3) Lastly. An SUV crashed into the front of iO West yesterday crushing the doors and part of the bar. All shows are canceled until July 7th. No one was hurt, but it feels like my second home was violated. Below is a video of the devastation:

Enough with the bad. On with the good!

1) The best thing to happen to me these last few weeks? I had hot sex with a supermodel!

NO. That didn't happen. But something even better did. (Better for my career, not my love life.)

I got an agent! I am now represented for Commercial work through TGMD Talent! It's good news since I really need to start getting some work. The best part is the feeling that I might be worth something in this town. Maybe.

2) Dom, myself and a few friends entered the 48 Hour Film Festival again this year. We drew Sci-Fi, which is a pretty hard genre when you have zero production budget and no effects department. We made due though and an enjoyable film came out of it. In fact, we won Audience Choice in our screening and are getting shown at the Best In LA Screening this coming week! You want to see it? Ok!

Well that's about it for this post. See you in a few weeks!

Sick Head!

2008-06-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

Right now I am sitting at my computer and I realized that I had been staring blankly at it for about 10 minutes. My head is screwy right now. For the past few days I have been fighting this chest cold and I guess that it caught up with me finally. I have been going to the IO West Improv Fest for the last few days instead of actually staying in and trying to get better. (Not that there is really any way to get better but with time I have found.) The festival was great though. I got to see alot of groups that I normally have not been able to see, as well as a few that I love to watch. I will tell you one thing that I really did learn from watching the successful teams and the not so successful ones... the teams that seemed to just play with each other where the ones that I enjoyed the most. The teams that were more guarded and seemed to be playing close handed were the ones that I didn't. For example.

There were two teams last night that I ran lights. One was great, one not so much. (Remember, this is all in my humble opinion.) Chewties is a group from Chicago, all girl, music based improv. The two things that I think were great about them is that they really were just having fun with each other on stage and it didn't feel like they were there to perform, just to play around. Also, they had a very unique way of playing (using a soundtrack that they had no time with to inform their scenes and transitions.) that they actually used and didn't throw aside.

The other team, which I will not name, just didn't seem to have fun. They also had a unique form structure, but for them it seemed more like a burden then a gift. I don't know why they chose that structure if they weren't going to have fun with it. It also came through that there was a lot of ego on the team, as one player seemed to dominate all the others so there was no real play. Once again. My humble opinion.

Anyway. I am really enjoying working as an intern for IO, not only because it gets me free classes, but also because it is allowing me the opportunity to hang out with people who have been doing this for years. The more I am there, the more I want to do it for the rest of my life. My big hurdle right now that I am needing to get over is this fear. The fear of not being able to do it "right". The fear of not helping the scene. Of being the worst player on the team. It's this nagging fear that keeps me from jumping out whenever I want to. That keeps me second guessing myself from the sidelines. Perfect example was on Friday. I signed up to take a workshop from Pete Hulne, who is one of my favorite performers to watch because he does want I want to be able to do. The workshop was for creating good physical enviornments within the scene. Since it was only a 2 hour workshop we didn't get to perform much as there was alot of lecturing, but when the time did come, I got nervous. It was mainly due to the feeling that I wanted to impress Hulne and not fuck up. I kept holding back and holding back as he called for different 2 sets to perform. Finally I kicked myself and said fuck it and went up there... and did fine. Sure there were things that I would have done differently in the scene had I had the chance to do it again. The thing is that people enjoyed it and I enjoyed the hell out of it when I was up there. So what I seem to have learned really in the last few days is that I need to stop being weighed down by these fears. Accept that they are there and just move past them. Force myself into the spot and leave all the other crap at the door.

That all being said, I am not going to be able to perform tonight at the class show as I can barely sit here and type without hacking up green stuff! (I really want to take a picture of the phlegm cup I have accumulated today... but I think that would be too sick for words.) I do have rehearsal tomorrow and Thursday, so really, I just need to bring this to them!

God I can't wait for this crap to be out of my lungs!

Getting Bogged Down

2008-05-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

My birthday was amazing thanks to my incredible friends! Started out with Ash taking me to breakfast, a movie and a tasty cupcake... then went to The Stinking Rose with a bunch of friends and ended the night at a spectacular private roomed karaoke club. (Pictures in the last post.)

Now for some worries that I am voicing to the void.

It's been about a month now. A month since I quit my job to go into acting full time. Started off quite nicely too. I got the first project I auditioned for, I had to turn down a dreadful project that came at me and I was auditioning at least 2 times a week. Now it has been about 2 weeks with no auditions, no extra work, no nothing. I have yet to book a job that will pay me, but more importantly I am going a little crazy with the lack of activity.

I have sent out some packets to agencies but have yet to get any responses. I know that I need to wait. That these sort of things take time and that it is a lifetime career that I am involved in and there is no real race, but there kind of is for money reasons. I need to find a flexible job I think. Something that will pay me, but will still allow me to audition and do improv too. I know that they are out there and I have been scowering.

I guess the reason that I have this money focus right now is because something from a long time ago has reared it's ugly head and I don't know how I am going to handle it. (Sorry to be vague, but I really don't want to discuss it until I have a firm grasp on how to work it out.)

In happier news, I finally got my internship with iO and the position suits me just fine. Hopefully I will do well with it and get moved to the front theater soon. I have also been asked to join another team that is going to be coached by Dave Hill, who is an amazing performer and I can't wait to learn from him! I shoot my first gig this Sunday in San Diego as well, which will hopefully do well and I can get more work from them in the future.

My Birthday in Pictures!

2008-05-24T12:33:00.001-07:00

Photobucket Album

And Now I Can Add Published Author to My List!

2008-04-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody!

Check out my first published article on Geekscape!!!

Also, something that might be big is brewing right now... I will keep you updated if it goes through! (Or whine about it if it doesn't... cause that's what I do!)

There's A Cat On My BED!!!!

2008-03-15T10:52:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting month since I last posted. Let's go over the highlights shall we?!

1) I have had much ups and downs at my new job. The job itself is fine, but the boss is very very very difficult. I blame his slight Alzheimer's. I actually got to the point that I was done this week and went out on a job interview. Turns out the people I interviewed for work for Scientology so I am kind of glad that they never called me back. After a few days of wrecking myself at work I had a nice long discussion with a coworker and he shed some light on things for me. I actually had a pretty decent week after that.

2) Speaking of weeks. Mine have become super busy. Not only am I working a 8-5 M-F job, but I am also taking 2 classes at IO this session, I am on a really fun improv team and I just joined a gym. So my life went from idle to full speed in about one week.

3) I joined a gym! That is pretty nice. I have gone every day this past week, save for yesterday and today. (Recovery is good and my sore sore muscles are thanking me.) What is really nice is that I have not weighed myself in the past 5 months and I was feeling like a slob. Because I hadn't been working out, I had been eating garbage and generally depressed. I thought that I would have gained alot of weight... that's how I feel when I looked in the mirror anyway. Well, my first day at the gym I weighed myself.... and I had actually lost 10 lbs since the last time I weighed in. That felt good. It feels even better now that I am back to the grind.

4) I shot some shorts for Wizard World LA with Dom and Gilmore. Check them out!!!

WATCH THEM IN ORDER! AND VOTE!

Anyway. I am off to WWLA to do some serious journalism.... ie talk to Donald Faison about my love of Josie and The Pussycats...

Warning!: Introspective Curves Ahead...

2008-02-13T19:24:00.000-08:00

If you don't like bloggy posts, you better stop reading now... I got some emotional baggage to unload right now.

I'll give you a second to click away.

3
2
1

Everyone gone? Ok. Here it goes.

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Which really means zero to me. It always does. Except when I am with someone. I am a die hard romantic. Most people would not know it by looking at me. Most of my friends know me as a pretty nerdy geek. But when it comes to me being with a girl I go all in. We are talking flowers for no reason. Going out on special evenings. Taking small weekend vacations. Showing her that she is one of the most special people on the planet. Those types of things. When I love, I love big.

That all being said... I think that since my last relationship I have become shell shocked. I seriously feel like I am suffering from post traumatic stress of the heart. Since moving to LA I have not even really tried to date or put myself out there. Everytime I think about it I go back in my head to the last day I was with my ex. How I was happy until the moment she told me she was breaking up with me. How I had no real clue that she wasn't in love with me anymore and how stupid I felt not catching on. Until her I had had other relationships, but I had never really given myself over to it as completely as that. So when it was cut off it was seriously like losing a part of myself. It took me months just to not break down randomly. It took me going to therapy sessions to realize that I wasn't an idiot or a horrible person. It took me moving to LA to not feel the need to call her and wonder what I could have done differently to have avoided all the pain that I felt. It has now been longer then we had dated since we broke up and I still find myself thinking about her almost everyday.

Basically I think I have been really depressed lately. Going to bed early. Not really wanting to go out with friends. Feeling like I am on the verge of crying for no real reason. I don't like it at all. I am a pretty outgoing guy, so when I feel like this I beat myself up for wasting my time with it. Which, as you might think, doesn't really help the situation. I am feeling really lost in this feeling. I know I need to do something about it, but I really can't think of a solution. I could go to a therapist again, that worked really well last time, but I don't make enough money now to pay for the expense. I could work out more, but I can't afford a gym membership and I can only motivate myself so much on my own. I could try just going out on a few dates with random girls, but I am so self concious right now I don't know where to find the courage to ask out a live girl and the internet dating doesn't really work for me as I must be a leaper since no one ever answers me.

Looking back on that last paragraph of self loathing dreck and excuses I can see why I am depressed. I need to stop making excuses and just do something about it other then eat my feelings away, which is what it feels like I am doing.

Well that's it for now. Hopefully my next post won't be nearly this over dramatic and awful.

Happy VD everybody!

How to Lose Your Voice in 10 Easy Steps...

2008-02-01T17:50:00.001-08:00

I don't know why, but out of the blue yesterday my voice decided to leave me. I have lost my voice before, but then I was feeling sick. I don't feel ill right now. In fact, I feel better then I have in awhile. There are a few things that I think can be looked at to the cause:

1) Running around a few nights in the rain, not dressed appropriately.
2) I talk alot more at my current job then I usually do.
3) The Gentleman are planning on stealing my heart....

Hopefully I will have a bit of it for tomorrow's class.

Lamb-bert

2008-01-22T21:49:00.001-08:00

Do you ever get kids songs from your childhood stuck in your head for no reason? For the last few hours I have been walking around with Lambert The Sheepish Lion stuck in my head. Does any one remember that?

(Quick look on youtube and wouldn't you know....)

I always watched this movie as a kid because it was on the beta tape before Pete's Dragon which was my number one favorite movie until I was 6 or so.

On to other news.

Some of you may be wondering why I haven't been posting more lately. Well the answer to that is that I have started at my new job and it is always go go go there. No time for love Doctor Jones. (That one was for Dom!) Last week I actually had to work both jobs for two shifts (That's 30 hour shifts for those of you taking stats.) It drained me so much that I had to tell my old job that I wouldn't be completing my two weeks. Just too much. They seemed alright by it, so I don't feel too bad.

The new job is great though. Monday thru Friday, 8-5, NO WEEKENDS! Plus it keeps me so busy that the day just flies by. And I learned a new lesson there today. Never eat at Rally's. Unless you feel like racing from here to the bathroom every ten minutes... Just a fair warning.

Completely unrelated to anything else in this post, my grunge beard is coming in quite nicely. I will post pictures later on. I'm still trying to decide how long I will let this monstrosity live.

Changes UPDATE

2008-01-11T17:12:00.001-08:00

So I submitted my resignation to my current job but told them that if they want to keep me I would be willing to stay on for more money... and they are actually considering it. The only problem is that they can't give me a firm answer until sometime next week and I have to start the other job on Tuesday. So I told them that as I am going to do the two weeks for them they have until then to match my offer. So we shall see if that happens.

I do feel bad to use this new job as a negotiation tool, but if it works out with the my current one that would be kind of cool as I know the work already.

Changes

2008-01-11T00:39:00.000-08:00

A few great things have happened over the last few days.

Firstly, I have been asked to be on a new Improv team at iO. It consists of a few of my friends from class and a few people that I don't know yet. What's even better is that we are being coached by Brandon, the person I really wanted as a teacher for this session but couldn't get as he wasn't teaching... so now I get to have class PLUS have him as an instructor in a way!

Nextly, I had a job interview today and was offered the job on the spot! I start on Tuesday! It's Mon-Fri and during the day. So no nights, no weekends, no perverts yelling at me! It pays more and is really close to my house. The only thing that makes me nervous right now is that it doesn't have health insurance, so I would need to pay for it if I want it... which might be a problem, though I have never really had to use it before even though I have it. Also it means that I have to turn in my resignation. I hate doing that. It feels like I am breaking up with my current job. And even though I bitch about it, I do like going to work because of the people. So what I am planning on doing tomorrow is letting my boss know that he has a choice, he can pay me more and I will stay, or I am leaving... and that's that. We shall see what happens.

Please Note...

2008-01-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

If anyone has wants to know what I want for my birthday (4 months and counting) it's this!

Air guitar glove?! We are truly living in the future days!

If You Are Not Careful This Could Happen To You!

2008-01-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Last one I swear...

Is It Sad...

2008-01-07T06:35:00.000-08:00

That I actually do this alot of the time?

Time Loop!

2008-01-06T23:18:00.000-08:00

Cyanide and Happiness is fastly becoming one of my favorite web comics to read. Here's a fine example of their stuff.

Also, I just want to let the people at Snorg Tees know that I am now fully in love with the girl in their web ads...

Sold. I will take as many tees as you want!

Ok. Now I feel 'net creepy.

Goodnight!

Dream Blog...

2008-01-03T11:14:00.000-08:00

I will start this off by saying I usually hate writing about my dreams, mainly because they are never that interesting to other people. This dream however was epic and it's sticking in my skull so I am going to write it out.

The beginning involved the 2008 Presidential Election. For some reason Clinton won and I was very very upset. Because it was a dream we then jumpcut to me being in a production of Avenue Q as Preston. I don't remember any rehearsals but since I love the show and know basically how it goes I am able to stumble through the entire thing and impress the audience. There is then another jumpcut to me in a Jacobian film starring Mena Suvari and Billy Connelly, it is also being directed by Jon London. (That's the weirdest part.) While we are off set Mena and I are starting to get romantically involved, but then she runs off. I go and find her and she is dressed as a street urchin and playing the lute with Billy Connelly in some beachfront town. Then Jon and his girl are having a fight and I solve it for them. Right after that a huge eagle swoops in and grabs my collarbone and drags me off... that's when I wake up. (With a huge jolt by the way, since I physically felt the eagle grab me.)

I promise not to do this often beautiful readers... It just needed to leave my head!

Improv Restart!

2008-01-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

Tonight I had, what I can only call, a renewal of faith. As I have said before, I have been in a rut for the last few months with my improv learning and confidence. I was in a bad place and taking all the wrong lessons to heart.

Tonight though. Tonight I got a jumpstart! Ash had a friend in town who teaches workshops in improv and runs a theater out of Austin. She had him come over to her house and teach one for a group of us. At the beginning I was feeling like I really didn't want to do it, as I was hungry and tired from having just gotten off work and sitting in traffic for an hour. All that changed once we started though.

We did a few warm up games to start and moved into two person scenes, to three and four and finally into a montage game at the end. The thing that he kept emphasizing was keeping and honoring what was happening in the beginning of a scene. That if you kept the basic idea alive it didn't matter where the scene went as long as you had that base line to tap in on. That really resonated with me. That and tap outs, which have always alluded me, they came clear tonight. Really what it came down to was listening and trusting my impulse to add to a scene. It felt brilliant. I can't wait for our L3 class to start next week.

I remembered tonight why I fell in love with improv. It's that feeling of complete satisfaction, like great sex. Amazing!

Insomnia #2

2008-01-02T00:13:00.000-08:00

It seems as if this is going to be a constant reoccurrance as long as I am doing one day shift with my overnights. I tried to get to bed early one again tonight, and here I am, up after midnight, not sleeping and not being anywhere near tired.

I read an article this week about how to get better sleep. One of the things it said was to not try and think about how much sleep you need as that will cause you to stress and you will not get any sleep. It's true. And reading it hasn't helped at all, since now I know that it is happening and it's all I can think about. Such a vicsious cycle.

A few things have happened today that also do not help with the sleeping peace.

One. I didn't get the job that I had been hoping for, I found out today. They went with someone else. I am assuming it is for two reasons. The first being that their route is mainly in the West Side and since they pay for gas and upkeep of the company car, me living further then 10 miles out would put more miles then they would want. The second is that I was up front in my want to do auditions, and with me being the only employee they probably felt that it would be in their best interest to find someone who would be 100% dedicated to the job. They did send me a nice email saying that they like me and would hopefully have enough jobs in the future to hire me on as a second. Fine. Whatever.

Two. My friend Ash and her roommate came over today. I thought it was to hang, but they had walked there and were under the impression that I was going to walk back to their place with them to get some good exercise. Which I was glad to do as I had been watching movies all day. (You can't deny both Goonies and Empire Records on HDTV unedited, and in the case of Empire, with additional scenes!) But we hadn't gone more then a few blocks when my shin started getting horrifically painful! We are talking 10x worse then the week before. It was probably because I was trying not to look like a wussy fat guy and keep up pace with the fast people... but whatever it was I had to look like the waddling slob and turn around before we were even 1/4 of the way there. This doesn't help my ego or restless brain.

Those two things mixing well in my mind is why I am up now writing instead of in bed sleeping.

Happy New Year. Welcome 2008, you look like the same bastard that just left...

Once

2007-12-29T17:50:00.000-08:00

I just sat down and watched this movie for the first time. I have to say I was moved. Not blown away as I was hoping I would be, but it was a wonderful movie. Definitely in my top 5 of the year. The music was so powerful. Mainly because the main guy (Glenn Hansard), his voice is so emotional that it really drives all the songs home. (He reminds me of Thom Yorke or Maynard from Tool in that regard.) Here is the main song from the film:

What I really loved about this movie is that the main relationship was never taken it past the platonic phase. It was just this perfect thing that was emotional, but not overly so. It's the same reason that I love Lost In Translation.

Anyway, I would say that if you have yet to watch it, take the time to do so. It's a wonderful film.

Insomnia #1

2007-12-26T04:18:00.000-08:00

What you will soon find out is that with working the night shift mostly, but having to work one day shift, is that on Tuesday nights into Wednesday (my day shift) I do not tend to sleep well. Tonight is a great example. I went to bed at 1030 and woke up at 1am and haven't been able to sleep since. Now it is 420... hehe... and I have to be up at 545 in order to make into work on time. Yeah. It's going to be a rough day.

Speaking of rought days. How was your Christmas? Mine kind of blew. Actually it was pretty decent for the most part. Got up early. (For me, 11am) Played some video games. Dom and I opened our Stockings. (I get one every year from my father and Sarah, and I bought Dom a new Superman Tshirt as his old one was all ragged.) Played some more video games. Saw AVP:R. Came home and watched The Incredibals on TV. Went to bed. Not bad. Well except for the middle part.

Dom and I live about a mile and a half from the movie theater and I thought that it would be good exercise to walk down there and back. We were going to go to the 210pm show and we left at 135pm. Now I have done this walk a few times since moving here as the theater is in Downtown Glendale, but yesterday I couldn't do it. We got about 4 blocks out and my shins just about gave out on me. So we had to turn around and get the car. I have never felt this out of shape in my life. I mean I couldn't walk 4 blocks. The weird thing is that I wasn't out of breath or anything. It's not like I was exhausted, I just couldn't go through the pain. (Later, since we missed the 210 show and had to bum around till 4pm for the next, we walked around Glendale at least 6 blocks and I was fine...) It was just a sad wake up call for me. How fat and out of shape have I become that I couldn't even make it 4 blocks?

Next time I reach for a slice of pizza or a soda I need to remember that horrible pain and the humiliation that I felt having to turn around and walk back to get a car to go less then two miles. That was more of an ego blow then any sort of failed interaction with a woman.

Happy Holidays!!!

2007-12-23T03:24:00.000-08:00

This message of peace and love comes to us from a Geekscape listener and friend: Ralph!

My goodness Santa is a Ho Ho Whore!

Meow-Dorable!

2007-12-21T23:23:00.000-08:00

Please Writers. Please AMPTP. Please come to an agreement soon. If not for the countries need for less Game Shows and Reality TV...

Do it for the interents need for adorable animal videos!!!

And Now For Something... Different?

2007-12-17T02:42:00.000-08:00

Stumbled across this little piece of random brilliance tonight:

Things I love about this video:

The 80's styling.

The amazing karaoke typeness of it all.

The IT Crowd guys!!!

So for those of you who are unfortunate enough (or is it lucky, because you can now indulge in it for the first time?!) to have experienced The IT Crowd you must! It is truly brilliant. I don't know if it is out on DVD in the States, but if it is watch it. If it isn't, just do a search for it and I am sure that you can find some episodes online. (Not that I am condoning internet piracy, but it is totally worth it for these shows!)

From what I understand, NBC was planning on bringing it Stateside next season, but who knows if that will happen with the strike on. Besides, they will probably ruin it. I don't think the show will be half as funny without the main cast anyway.

Here's a taste for you all. Enjoy!

(And for the slight irony of it...)

The Crazy Wacky World of Dreams

2007-12-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

So in order to start off this amazing dream I had last night a few things in my life recently must be explained. The teacher I have for improv right now really stresses me out. Everything he has to say about what I do is negative. (Granted, everything he has said is true, but for some reason it leaves this weird not fun feeling in the class and makes me feel like I perform all that much more horribly) Yesterday, which was our last class before registration had me super super nervous. You see, it's up to him whether or not people move on, and I was certain that he was going to hold me back. So this attitude totally psyched me out for the whole of class... and into the night, even though class came and went and he didn't pull me aside to tell me that I couldn't sign up for L3. (Though we still have one more week... but after seeing a really inspiring show last night I know what I want to play with next week and fuck him!) This leads me to my dream.

We start off with me being back at Cornish and on Cry Day. Cry Day is the last day of school when the descision on whether you progress or not is handed out to each student. (You see, you have to reaudition each year to stay in the school. It's how we went from 65 students freshmen year to 24. Though I don't think they do it anymore since they need all the money that is brought in... which sucks because it is totally diluting those kids experience.) And I was really worried because I was sure that I was going to be kicked out. So I am called up to my councelor and she asks to be put on the loud speaker. (Because even though I know that this is Cornish, it's actually taking place in a huge cafeteria with way more students then were ever at Cornish. So this is the moment that I know that I am going to be kicked out. Instead though she goes on to compliment me in front of the whole school and say that I was the most improved student of the year and that it was and is a pleasure to work with me. And everyone claps and cheers and Jonah Hill is sitting at a table as I walk away and I flip him off.

It continues with me going home and wanting to tell my mom about what happened. Everytime I try to tell her about it, she starts talking about something else not wanting to hear about it. After trying so many times to tell her and her not listening, I yell at her about how she doesn't care about the major things in my life and as I storm off I hear her cry, and I hurt really bad because I made my mom cry. Then there is a jump and I am living with my best friend from college. (who incidently did not make it past the first Cry Day, but we stayed in touch and I am still good friends with him today) And he brings home these two gorgeous girls, one of whom is drawn to me. We go outside and I apparently live on the beach. There is a big squid in the surf and we try to save it, but it looks like it is dead. Then a Mercedes Mibach drives up and she gets in and becons me inside. The dream ends with me discovering how many window shades there are on one window of this car. (The answer is 17)

There was also some other disjointed parts featuring this guy in my class now stealing candy from a CostCo and trying to smuggle himself away in an open car trunk.... and something about my sisters room.

All in all, dreams are crazy, especially if you go to bead an hour after eating pasta and watching Angel.

The End...?

Accidents Aren't Funny!

2007-12-10T06:18:00.000-08:00

Wanted: New Time Killer

2007-12-09T21:12:00.000-08:00

I need something new in my life. Something that I can pickup whenever I need time killed. Something that is challenging, something that feeds my creativity. I think that I want to pick up guitar. I need to find a place to get a cheap acoustic guitar.

New Obsession!

2007-12-08T22:23:00.000-08:00

I downloaded The Orange Box earlier this week. (It's a video game package.) In it is a game called Portal. Very fun, witty game. Though the best part is the song at the end. I have not been able to get it out of my head since I heard it.

After some research I found that this song was actually written by Jonathan Coulton. You might recognize his other hit song Codemonkey...

Amazing!

Ode To One

2007-12-08T05:48:00.001-08:00

I'm just going to come out and say it. I am completely infatuated with Zooey Deschanel. This will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me. And can you blame me?

Not only is she very easy on the eyes, but she's great to watch perform... and listen to this voice!

Zooey Deschanel and Samantha Shelton Perform on UPRIGHT

Add to My Profile | More Videos

My goal, now that I am in LA, is to try and go to one of her bands shows. So if you see any dates for a performance of If All The Stars Were Pretty Babies... let me know.

K. Thx. Bai.

'Nuff Said

2007-12-07T05:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes writers just get it right.

Not just book authors, but writers for all mediums.

Film, Stage, Radioplays, Musicians, even Comic Books.

In fact, it is a comic book writer that really hit home today. (Yes, I should have posted a warning that this is going to be an INCREDIBLY geeky entry... but now you know so keep reading.)

Right now there is a story line going on in the Spiderman series that involves Aunt May being shot and Peter dealing with it the only way he knows how, by fighting to keep her alive. He has gone to everyone he knows and no one can help. Well, where does he turn in this issue? The only entity that can make anything happen for a price. That's right. The Devil. (Well, Mephisto to be specific.) Of course the Devil can fix everything, but what is the price? He will heal May, but in return he will wipe out the entire relationship that Peter has with Mary Jane. What will he choose! (to be continued...)

Now with that geekiness out of the way I get to my point.

It was very elegantly stated by Mephisto... (and I am going to butcher it as it is not in front of me at this time.) He said that he thrives off of pain, misery, torment. And what he will do is erase their relationship clean from their memories, except for one little piece of their souls will remember forever the connection that was lost. And it will be that little piece that will forever be in agony and torment. And he will savor it.

That really hit home for me when I read it. Because that's what I feel right now. Completely healed for the most part, but with one little piece that is forever going to be missing something. (If you don't know what I am talking about, then you need to go back and find my very emo postings from a year ago... I don't want to restate.) It's fine for the most part, but there are days when the pain goes from imperceptible, to a dull ache, to a full on fire in my chest. It eventually dies down, but I know that it will be there for a very long time. Perhaps not forever long, but at least until I have something to fill the void again. (Which seems like a very long time off.)

To Gym or Not To Gym?!

2007-12-02T02:09:00.000-08:00

One of the things that I was going to do when I moved was to find a gym and sign up. This was never in question. It is now, since I am paying about $100 more a month in rent then I thought I would be, so I don't know if it is still viable to shell out an additional $40 (at least.) I don't know what I should do. On one hand, I do need to get back into the habit of working out at least 5 days a week like I was before. I do have a whole weight rack to use, but I have difficulty making myself use them. I need to get more cardio in, which I have no machines, but I do have a pretty nice neighborhood to walk around in.

Maybe I will try this. I will ask Dom if he will walk with me for at least 30 minutes a day, just around Glendale. Or walking to the store which is about 1/2 a mile away (maybe less). See how that goes for the next few weeks.

Great. Glad that's settled. Break!

Cool Ryder, Smooth Talker

2007-12-01T01:11:00.000-08:00

Say what you will, but there is no doubt in my mind that there is such a thing as karma in this world. Plus, there is a some truth to this whole "put it out there to the universe and it will answer" stuff.

I submit for your approval...
Exhibit A:

This morning on my ride home I was planning out my day. I figured that since I have a bit more cash then usual in my bank account I was finally going to go and finish the paperwork I started with my car about 4 months ago. I have already paid the horrible amount of money that it costs to get new plates in this state, but still needed to get my smog check done before I could submit it fully. I have been putting this off and off and off... Well today I thought, I need to do it since there is a smog check place, a car wash and a DMV right next to my new place I have no excuse. Well I got home and passed out. I woke up an hour or two later as the cable guy was there and instead of going and doing what needed to be done, I went back to sleep and by the time I woke up it was already 5pm and the DMV and SC place were closed. I knew in the back of my mind that this was going to be bad... and I was right. As I was driving to work today I pass a police officer turning onto the street. He looks to be turning onto the next street but then stops, gets in my lane and speeds up to my rear. Never a good sign. We are stopped at a light waiting to turn onto the street that my work is on, and sure enough, when the light changes on goes his blue and reds and we pull over. Now I am freaking out because, for one, I knew this was going to happen, and two, I had just bought a new fridge that cost me most of my extra cash and I knew I could not afford this very large ticket coming my way. Well here's how it pans out... (You might want to write this down...)

He comes out of his car, I have my car turned off and lights still on with my window rolled down. As he is writing my plates and walking up to the car I have my license pulled out and my Washington and California registrations ready. He asks for the info. I explain the situation calmly and apologize just enough to not sound too guilty. He asks for my proof of insurance, which I know I don't have, but look through my wallet anyway. He then goes back to his car. 5 minutes later he comes back and explains what he is going to do. Instead of giving me the HUGE ticket I deserved, he only cited me for the expired tabs, out of state license and missing proof of insurance... all of which will be dropped if I show up to court by Jan 10th with all of them rectified. He even let me off with a warning about the dead tail light, which was the original reason he pulled me over. So Monday I will absolutely get the smog check and DMV thing done and over with, print out my insurance card and set up a court appointment. This is the 5th ticket I have gotten out of so far. Here's the steps I take to avoiding it:

Never be in a rush.
Always keep your cool. Never EVER raise your voice or act like an asshole, even if the officer is acting like one... you will never win.
Always be gracious. "Yes Sir/Ma'am", "No Sir/Maam", "I apologize Sir/Maam" etc.
If all else fails, show some skin...
And always let them drive away first!

Plus, if you just follow those rules in general you will find that it makes most of the dealings with other people in your life that much easier.

The Move; Why do I have cuts on all of my fingers and other stories...

2007-11-29T11:50:00.000-08:00

It has been a few days. One might ask oneself, what have I been doing since the last entry? Well to all 2 of you who asked... I have moved!

That's right. Dom came into town, we looked at a place, signed the lease and have, now OFFICIALLY, moved in fully. It was hard. It was sweaty. It left alot of confusing brusies and cuts all over my hands. And it is now over. The goal now is to unpack all of the boxes and make this into a livable space. We both have said that we do not want to do this whole thing again, so I think we are going to be living here for at least a few years... hopefully. When returning the truck today, I saw a questionairre that asked, "How often have you moved in the last 10 years?". This got me thinking. How many different places have I lived in 10 years? That would be 97... so that would be... Woodinville, Redmond, U-District, Capital Hill, Woodinville, Mill Creek, Culver City and now Glendale... 8! 8 times I had to do this pack/move/un-pack thing. I am over it now I think. But it's done and we live in a nice two bedroom one bath with a nice sized living room and kitchen. What's really nice is that I am not nearly as allergic to Marilyn as I thought I would be. (Marilyn is Dom's cat.) I do have to take a Clariton a day, but that's not bad at all. We had the cable guy come out yesterday to set us up with tv and internet... but I think that we got the lazy, on the way out guy as he said he couldn't find to cable... he could find it outside, but couldn't see where it entered the house. So now we have to wait until he supervisors come out and check to see if he is right, and THEN they will send a crew to install it. So probably will be down until Tuesday at the earliest. Sucks. Don't mind the no TV, but I am kind of addicted to the interwebs. Right now I am pirating someone in the complex that didn't secure their line.

Other news. I had a talk with my boss on Monday about my job and my need to get more money. He and I had a nice conversation that ended with me picking up a few projects and then getting a review in two weeks. Hopefully I will get a raise ome January. If not, it's no big deal, I will just go with a temp agency. Speaking of jobs. Jon is employing Dom today for his first job in LA. See. Come to LA, Ben will get you work that he can't get himself.

Had my performance review yesterday at Improv Class. It was a little nerve wracking as I hadn't done any improv in about two weeks. The way he ran it this time was to give us things that he felt we needed to work on and then have us go and do a scene. Most people got notes like, "You need to be a little less joky, you need to try to be less/more of a character, you need to be alittle less dominate..." so on. They mostly got one or two notes. Me? Well I got a ton. Which just makes me believe even more firmly that this teacher thinks I am really no good. And after my scene, I feel I agree with him. He said that I needed to work on not being "high status", or too high energy, that I shouldn't force the scene or create problems that need to be worked around, that I need to be less of a character... so I take all of those notes and go into the scene... and I don't do anything. Now, granted, my partner was given pretty much the opposite set of notes from me so she came out high energy and high status and led the scene, so I really didn't need to do much talking. Still. I need more practice. After class Ashley and I, along with a classmate Mike, talked once again about getting more people together on off days to just do it. Mike said that instead of asking about the best days, we should just tell people that we are meeting on a certian day and they can show up if they can. All I know is that I need to do it. I wish that I had more money so that I could take more then one class per week.

System Failure. Fatal Crash Detected.

2007-11-25T21:42:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen.

We have entered day 3 of 1-2 hours of sleep followed by a full day and 10 hour shift.

I am starting to feel it hit very hard. Weary eyes, tenuous grasp on sanity, hot flashes and clod sweats and the shakes are starting in my hands.

In order to make it through the night I have purchased a can of Rockstar, which I have been trying not to drink lately... but this is becoming needed.

It is not all for naught though. We seem to have found the place that we are looking for. It's in Glendale, so it's closer to Hollywood and school then I am now. Also near to the studios. It's a bit more pricey then I expected... but I am willing to scrimp to live in a safe place. It does mean that I will either be needing a raise at work or ditching it to get a second job.

I can't really concentrate right now though as my brain has started a match of Badminton...

Beowulf... Or: Why The MPAA Fails

2007-11-25T00:30:00.000-08:00

It's interesting.

I saw the new movie Beowulf last week. It's was alright. If nothing else it was really pretty and did things with the new digital 3-D process that I have never seen before.

What I find really interesting though is not the movie itself but what I discovered after the film. Let me describe. During this film, there is epic battles that include men getting impaled by stakes, ripped in half, monsters getting brutally eviscerated, naked women and naked men. While I was sitting there, I thought to myself, this is amazing, you never see R rated animations. Well. After the movie I look at my ticket and was genuinely surprised to find that it was in fact rated PG-13.

Let's flash forward to a few days ago. I go and see a movie with my sister. This time it is Hitman. During this film there are brutal battles that include men getting impaled with swords, shot in the face, face stomped and naked women. This movie was rated R.

Both movies have pretty much the same content. Blood, gore, glorified villains and female nudity, but for some reason the MPAA decided that one should be rated tamer then the other. Why is that? Is it because one is a "cartoon" while the other one is live action? Is it because one is "fantasy" while the other one is realistic? Is it simply because one had curse words in it while the other one did not? Let us dispel two of those theories. One: Beowulf, while animated, is not a "cartoon". It was acted live with the actors and then animated with CGI overlays. Plus, Hitman was pretty "cartoon-y" with it's fight scenes. (And acting, but I am not reviewing this here... look for that in the next Geekscape episode.) Two: Sure, Beowulf takes place in the past and has monsters and dragons in it, but to think that Hitman is realistic is farcical. So in the end, does it really just come down to curses? The fact that, since Beowulf was in historical times, before the words FUCK and SHIT were invented, it gets a pass from the MPAA?

This just confuses me. These ratings are meant to keep kiddies from viewing things that could warp their confused and growing minds... but as long as it's animated it's fine? Please don't get me wrong. I am in NO way siding with conservatives that think that any form of violence or sex, really or animated, should be crushed. I personally think that there shouldn't be a rating system at all, and that if the parents are worried about what their little knee-bitters are watching, they should make the decisions themselves and take some responsibility in their parenting. I just don't like seeing hypocrisy. If one movie gets an R, another movie with the same content should get the same rating.

In the end the MPAA is a stupid organization... and if you don't believe me go rent This Film Is Not Yet Rated.

Mike Doughty Is Brilliant

2007-11-23T23:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you listen to a song and hear a word you don't know the meaning to. So, if you are like me, you look it up.

A line from "Looking At The World From The Bottom Of A Well":

Aimless days, uncool ways of decathecting
Painless phase, blacked out thoughts you be rejecting

Decathecting:
to withdraw one's feelings of attachment from (a person, idea, or object)

Exactly what I need to do.

Thanks Mike!

Post-Holiday Musings

2007-11-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

Nothing like a new, fresh, clean blog!

Let's bust this cherry seal shall we?

I had a great couple of days in Seattle this last week, which was surprising. Not surprising that I had a good time, but surprising that I got enough time off of work to make a full trip. But I did, and I did. I got to see alot of the people that I had been missing desperately and spend some quality time with a few of them. Got my hair cut by the ex. (This was probably not the smartest of ideas, but more on that later.) Saw some movies and watched the full last season of Buffy and just generally chilled. It was relaxing. A nice change of pace. Now, something that I didn't get a chance to catch up on was sleep. One would think that this wouldn't be a problem, but I found myself getting an average of 4 hours a night. This detriment has not been solved yet, as I have only gotten about 2-3 hours over the past few nights. This is due to working the late shift, but also because my mind isn't turning off when I am trying to sleep. It goes back to the whole seeing the ex thing. Don't get me wrong, it was great seeing her. We had some laughs, she did an awesome job on my hair and such. I just can't get her out of my head now. I am trying very hard to, because it took my a really long time reach this point, and I feel like I have completely lapsed. Now it could be that I am over-exaggerating since I am currently sleep deprived, in fact, I hope that's the case. It's just that seeing her made all of the good memories that I have been blocking for the past year come flooding back. And with that a just overall sense of depression since I know she is now in a great relationship with someone else and I will never have those experiences again, with her anyway. I know that I will eventually find someone else to have a close relationship with once life, god, my subconscious, whoever decides that I am ready to handle a new one. This process is just lonely right now. Going up to Seattle made me realize how little my support system is down here in LA. I have Brian and Jon, but really I don't feel close enough to them to share this stuff with them at all. So that means I have... no one. In Seattle, since I had been living there for about 12 years, my group of friends was insanely large... the contrast is amazing. So in the end I pour all of this crap that builds up in my head into a blog or two during the slow parts of my night shift. Hence this new blog account.

Hopefully the next few posts will be a little less emo and a little more pop-punk.